my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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