She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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