K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
