My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
