dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
