Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize