So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
