Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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