a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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