i think my tv is drunk
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
