Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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