We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
