Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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