I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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