Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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