My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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