I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
