You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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