Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You ate ashes out of my bong
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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