she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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