I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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