She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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