they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
