i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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