just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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