Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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