People in love make me want to vomit
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
