It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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