Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
