Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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