ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
