She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
