hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
