My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
