I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize