Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
