I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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