K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's blow job season.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize