They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
