I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
