all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize