u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
