When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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