Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
