im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
