then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
