We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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