I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
