Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
