Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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