Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
