I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
