Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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