if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
