I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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