my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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