I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I got inside last night via doggy door
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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