at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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