It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize