Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
