I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
