Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
