when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
