It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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