I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
