I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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