It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
