As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
