i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
