I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
