I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize