I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
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