I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
